 |
| SMS Humor |
|
SMS Humor # 1
It's funny when
people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
SMS Humor # 2
Good looks catch the
eyes, but good Personality catches the heart. You are blessed with both!
FLATTERED??? Don't Be!!! It was sent to ME, and I just wanted you
to read it...
SMS Humor # 3
Could u fax me ur photo very very urgently ?
Mind u - it's really very very urgent, damn serious and very imp..... I'm
playing cards and we've misplaced the JOKER.
SMS Humor # 4
From Mon to Sun, From Jan To Dec, From birth till my death, my feelings 4 u
have never changed. For me, you've always been ..........a headache!
SMS Humor # 5
Falling in love is a sweet ambition, finding true love is a life time
mission. Take my word, follow the Indian tradition & marry ur dad's decision!
|
| Sardarji Jokes |
|
Once Banta Singh attended an Interview.
Interviewer : Give me the opposite words.
Banta Singh : Ok
Interviewer : Made in India
Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan
Interviewer : Good... Keep it Up
Banta Singh : Bad.... Put it Down
Interviewer : Maxi Mum
Banta Singh : Mini Dad
Interviewer : Enough! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Insufficient! Don't take my seat
Interviewer : Idiot! Take your seat
Banta Singh : Clever! Don't take my seat
Interviewer : I say you get out!
Banta Singh : You didn't say I come in
Interviewer : I reject you!
Banta Singh : You appoint me
Interviewer : ....!!!!!!!
***
Sardarji is buying a TV.
"Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."
* * *
Sardarji calls Air India.
"How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a sec," says the rep.
Thank you." says the Sardar and hangs up.
* * *
Sardarji is filling up a job application.
He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc.
Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED.
After much thought he writes: Yes.
* * *
Sardarji proposes to a woman.
She says yes, if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots.
He sets off to Africa and disappears.
Finally they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one.
He walks over the reptile, checks its legs, angrily exclaims:
"71st and *again* barefoot!"
* * *
Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a Thermos flask."
The Sardar asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The Sardar says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos.
His Sardar boss sees him and asks,
"What is that shiny object with you?"
He said, "It's a Thermos flask."
The boss asks, "What does it do?"
He replies, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
* * *
What does Sardarji do after taking
photocopies?
He compares it with the original for
spelling mistakes.
* * *
What does Sardarji do when he has one
white sheet and wants an extra sheet?
He makes a photocopy of the white sheet.
* * *
Sardarji went to the appliance store
sale and found a bargain.
"I would like to buy this small
TV," he told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to
Sardars," he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and
changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to
Sardars," Salesman replied.
"Damn, he recognised me," he
thought.
He went for a complete disguise this
time, haircut, new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few days,
saw the salesman again.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to
Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do
you know I'm a Sardar?"
"Because that's a microwave,"
he replied.
* * *
Why did 18 Sardars go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
* * *
What do you do when Sardarji throws a
hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
* * *
What do you do when Sardarji throws a
pin at you?
Run like crazy...he's got a hand grenade
in his mouth.
* * *
How do you make Sardarji laugh on
Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
* * * * *
What was Sardarji doing when he held his
hands tightly over his ears?
He was trying to hold on to a thought.
* * *
Why does Sardarji work seven days a
week?
So you don't have to retrain him on
Monday.
* * *
Why can't Sardarji make ice cubes?
He always forget the recipe.
* * *
How did Sardarji try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.
* * *
What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear
to ear?
A wind tunnel.
* * *
Why does Sardarji always smile when a
lightning blazes?
He thinks his picture is being shot.
* * *
Why does Sardarji have TGIF written on
their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
* * *
How can you tell when Sardarji sends you
a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
* * *
Why can't Sardarji dial 911?
He can't find the 11 on the dial.
* * *
"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardarji looked skyward and asked,
"Where, Where?
* * *
What do smart Sardars and UFOs have in
common?
You always hear about them but you
never see them.
* * *
Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman than a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
* * *
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran
eight kms a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kgs. At the end of 300 days,
Sardarji called the doctor on phone to report he had lost the weight, but he
had a problem.
"What's the problem?" asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."
* * *
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are at
a railway station.
Hari asks the clerk: "Can I take
this train to Ludhiana?"
"No," answers the clerk.
"Can I?" asks Gani.
* * *
Sardarji is travelling by train.
He feels sleepy, so he gives the guy
opposite 20
rupees to wake him up when his station
comes.
This guy is a barber. He feels that for
20 rupees Sardarji deserves more.
So, when Sardarji falls asleep, the
barber quietly shaves off his beard.
When the station arrives, he wakes up
Sardarji and sends him home.
Reaching home, he goes to wash his face &
suddenly screams when he sees the mirror.
Sardarni asks, "What's the
matter?"
"The cheat on the train takes my 20
rupees and wakes up someone else!"
* * *
Having lost his donkey Sardarji, got
down to his knees and thanked God.
A passerby saw this and asked,
"Your donkey is missing. What are
you thanking God for?"
Sardarji replied, "I am thanking
Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I
would have been missing too."
* * *
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills the
birth certificate.
"Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid:
Chinese."
"How come you write
"Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?" "
Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it said
every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."
* * *
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and Sardarji
were sent to the outer space.
The ground control issues commands,
"Rubi!" "Woof!" (barking sound )
"Press the red button."
"Woof! Woof!"
"Moti!" "Woof!"
"Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!"
"Sardarji!" "Woof."
"Stop barking, feed the dogs
and don't touch anything!"
* * *
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock
Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll
go get a ladder."
The man took the thousand and
disappeared.
Having waited for several hours the
Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride.
On the next day the Sardarji is again
walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock.
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll
go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and
says I am not a fool.
This time, you wait and I'll go get a
ladder."
* * *
Santa and Banta Singhs landed up in Bombay and got into a double-decker bus.
Santa somehow managed to get a bottom
seat in the bus.
Unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top.
When the rush was over, Santa went
upstairs to look up Banta, found Banta in badly scared, clutching the seats in
front with both hands.
Santa asked, "Arre Banta! What's
going on? Why so scared?
I was enjoying my ride down there?
Scared Banta replied, "Yeah, but
you've got a *driver*."
* * *
Santa with two red ears went to see his
doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened
to his ears.
"I was ironing a shirt when the
phone rang.
Instead of picking up the phone I
accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor
exclaimed in disbelief.
"But...what happened to your other
ear?"
"The scoundrel called again."
A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the Pearly Gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get only 12 seconds in a year?"
The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc...."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word.
Sardars Convention
80,000 sardars meet in the Guru Nanak stadium, for a "Sardars Are Not Stupid" Convention.
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that Sardars are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A sardar gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks him, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds he says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.
Then 80,000 sardars start cheering, "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the worldwide press and global broadcast media here, uh, I guess we can give him another chance.
"So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected.
Sigh! Everyone is disheartened, the sardar starts crying and the 80,000 sardars begin to yell and wave their hands shouting,
"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more ha than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance. What is 2 plus 2?
The surd closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 surdies jump to their feet,
wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream.
"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!
"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!
* * *
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
* * *
Sardar: I haven’t slept all night in the train.
Friend: Why?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Why didn’t you exchange?
Sardar: Oye, there was nobody 2 exchange in the lower berth...
* * *
A teacher lecturing on population –
In India after every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up - we must find & stop her!
* * *
Sardar-why are all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar- If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?
* * *
Sardar had twins; he named them Tin Martin.
Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater.
Again twins & named Max & Climax.
Again the same. Disgusted Sardar named them TIRED & RETIRED!
* * *
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "You will go to jail".
* * *
Sardar gets ready ,wears tie, coat, goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.
Sardar: "I've been promoted as branch manager."
* * *
One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
You know why? Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...
* * *
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It’s already raining.
Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.
* * *
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
Arrey yaar, what ever you order first will come first.
* * *
Sardar wins Rs.20 crores from Rs.20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11 crores after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me Rs.20 crores or else return my Rs.20 back!
* * *
Postman:- I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet
Sardar:- Why did you come so far. Instead u could have posted it....
* * *
A Sardar & his wife filed an application for divorce.
Judge asked: How'll you divide, you’ve3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR
* * *
Sardar's wish: When I die, I wanna die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..
* * *
Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that’s a mirror!
* * *
Flash news: A 2-seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab. Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..
|
| Email IDs of Indian Cricket Team |
|
Here is some of the email IDs of Indian cricket celebrities
* Sachin@man-of-the-match.com
* RahulDravid@Jam-Jam.com
* AnilKumble@Hurt-Keeper.com
* AjitAgarkar@Give-Runs-To-Opponants.com
* Srinath@Good-Balls-No-Wickets.com
* RobinSingh@Age-No-Bar.com
* VenkateshPrasad@Ever-ComeBack.com
* Ramesh@No-Foot-Work.com
* Azharuddin@Match-Fixer.com
* AjayJadeja@another-match-fixer.com
* SunilJoshi@Find-A-Place.com
* ZaheerKhan@Always-Yorker.com
* DehasishMohanty@Where-Is-He.com
* KapilDev@Cry-On-BBC.com
* ManojPrabakar@Video-Cassette.com
* Sponsors@They-Earn.com
* CricketFans@Are-They-Fools.com
* Coach@No-Use.com
* IndianTeam@When-It-Will-Win.com
|
|
| Spelling |
|
Appapillai calls the credit card customer service center in California.
Hello, This is Sarah and thanks for calling in today and may I have your name please.
Ah yes, My name is Appapillai.
Could you please spell it out for me.
Sure! A as is Apple, P as in Pineapple, P as in Pineapple, A as is Apple, P as in Pineapple....
Sir! Could you please let me know how many apples and how many pine apples do you have in your name?
|
| Punctuation |
|
"A woman without her man is nothing"
Teacher wrote it on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly...
All guys in the class wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."
All the girls in the class wrote:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing."
|
| Speeding |
|
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there are plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did *I* get the ticket?"
"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.
"Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied. The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch *all* the fish?"
|
| God & Laloo |
|
Saddam Hussein visits God and asks him: "God when shall I see the defeat of George Bush."
God replies: " Son, you will not see it in your lifetime."
Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts crying and goes away.
Gen Pervez Musharaff visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see the capture of Kashmir by Pakistan."
God replies: " Son, you will not see it in your lifetime."
Hearing this, Gen Pervez Musharaff starts crying and goes away.
Laloo Yadav visits God and asks him: "God when shall I see Bihar becoming a prosperous and happy state."
Hearing this, God starts crying.
Laloo is astounded and asks: " God, why are you crying? "
God replies: "Son, I will not see it in my lifetime”
|
| Laloo as a Principal |
|
Laloo is convicted in the fodder case and the courts decide that all his property belongs to the state. He is left with nothing and is going around looking for a job.
He joins as a principal of a school and one day, he sees lots of students standing under a tree without going to classes.
He gets very angry and asks them " Why are you UNDERSTANDING the Tree"
|
| Number Magic |
|
A British Diplomat paid courtesy visit to Lalloojee.
During a garden party at the Palace, he thought of entertaining Lalloojee with the following magic of numbers.
He said, " Your Excellency, Look at the value of the alphabet :
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
Now, look at this Sir, if we calculate together it will be :
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98 % Only
K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96 % Only
L O B B Y I N G
12 15 2 2 25 9 14 7 = 86 % Only
L U C K
12 21 3 11 = 47 % Only
Sir, you should look at the final one, which is most important.
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100 %
Sir, do you find it useful?
This magic can work on your people to improve themselves, increase productivity, and make your State prosperous. Sir, I can arrange to send our experts to coach your people. We can do it in less than a year"
Lalloojee thought for a while and said,
" I have better formula. See this ......
C O R R U P T I O N
3 15 18 18 21 16 20 9 15 14 = 111 % ...................
Do you want me to come and teach your people? I can do it in less than one week."
|
| NASA Interview |
|
NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one person could go, and he will not return to Earth. The first applicant, an American engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars", he answered, "because I wish
to donate it to M.I.T."
The next applicant, a Russian doctor, was asked the same question.
He asked for two million dollars. "I wish to give a million to my family, he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."
The last applicant was an Indian politician Laloo Yadav. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars."
"Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked. The Indian Politician replied, $1 million is for you, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll give the American engineer $1million and send him to Mars....”
|
| Family problems of a Redneck |
|
Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept complaining of family problems.
Finally, the other man said: "You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation."
"A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter. We got married and got myself a stepdaughter. Later, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter, my step-mother. And my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law." "Much later the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son.
This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son. But he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son. That made me the grand-father of my half-brother. This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the Grandmother.
This makes my father, the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife, I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew & I am my OWN GRANDFATHER! And you think you have FAMILY PROBLEMS!!!
|
| Drunk |
|
A drunk was hauled into court.
"Mister", the judge began, "you've been brought here for drinking...."
"Great," the drunk exclaimed. “When do we get started?”
|
| Why did the chicken cross the road? |
|
Read on to know what happens when the famous question...
* * *
"Why did the chicken cross the road?" is put before a few Indian celebrities.
Atal Behari Vajpayee: "Chicken ?" (3 minute pause)
"Let me compose An Ode to a Chicken in my shudh Hindi... "
George Fernandes: "I am deeply hurt that this question is being asked after my 40 clean years of public life. I don't own a house, or a car, leave alone a chicken!!!"
Mulayam: "I demand a 50% reservation of the road for the chicken class, so that they can cross the road freely without their motives being questioned"
Abdul Kalam: "Yes, why did the chicken cross the road?please tell me why? .. they crossed to go to the other side of the road...now repeat after me...."
Advani: "I see the hand of Pakistan in this ..."
Bal Thackarey: "Chickens crossing the roads is against our culture, my followers (gundas) will stone all such chickens which cross the road".
Jayalalitha: "From a reliable source I've got the information that the chicken belongs to Karunanidhi who made his chicken cross the road to create law & order problems. The chicken is now imprisoned under POTA".
Mamta Baneerji: "I'm made Union Railbay minstaar, I bill shee that chickans will trable by train... no cross road anymoore!".
A.K Antony: "Zimmmmply! ...that's a question you should ask Karunakuran..Heee, heee."
Amitabh Bachchan: "The chicken has crossed the road?..are you sure..very sure ... really sure..."
Sonia Gandhi: "That the chicken crossed the road clearly demonstrates the fact that the people and chicken have lost confidence in the Government. The Government should own moral responsibility and resign!!!"(Well NDA is no more in power anyway)
Narendra Modi: "I called out the army and have brought the chicken crossing incidents under control within 72 hours. The media is blowing it out of proportion."
Ekta Kapoor: "The chicken krossed the road 'kause "k"it kould knot "k"tolerate "k"her "k"saas's "k"torture."
Mukesh & Anil Ambani: "Though the chicken moved forward it was a right step in backward integration. Reliance shareholders will get a 1:5 egg bonus."
Menaka Gandhi: "Chicken crossed the road alone...!! If a vehicle had passed over it, we would have lost one of our dearest creatures. Ban all vehicles from using the road. Protect Our Chickens..."
Salman Khan: "I ran over the chicken(Hic!). It was not intentional ....It was accidental (Hic!)... you're now asking this question to me only because I'm a celebrity(Hic!)".
Sachin Tendulkar: "I will let my bat do the talking. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go for another ad shoot."
Saurav Ganguly: "Nowhere is it written in our BCCI contract that we have to answer such questions. I will take this issue up with the players' association."
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: "The answer lies within you. Seek it. Your insecurities and anxieties prevent you understanding simple actions like a chicken crossing the road. Please sign up for my Art of Living course for Rs 5000 and everything will become clear."
Azharuddin: "I am totally innocent, you know, I'm unnecessarily being dragged into this, you know, because I'm from the minority..... I neither know the chicken nor the road, you know...."
Deve Gowda: "zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....mmmm...mm... chicken ??? Thanks, I'll have it later !! mm.. snooore... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"
|
| A little boy wanted Rs.50/- |
|
A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.
Finally he decided to write a letter to God requesting Rs.50. When the Postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, they decided to forward it to the head of the Finance, Govt. of India
The Head was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a Rs.20. The Head Finance thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the Rs.20, and decided to write a "Thank you" note to God, which read:
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the Ministry of Finance, Parliament House, and those idiots deducted Rs. 30/- in taxes.
|
| Wrong addressee |
|
A man checked into a hotel.
There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally Typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've reached
Date: 27 Apr 2004
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
Yours loving husband.
|
| Doctor |
|
Doctor: your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you.
|
| Mother/Son |
|
Mother: What did you learn in school today
Son: How to write
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!
|
| Recruitment |
|
Does your Company have a problem in recruiting the right person for the right chair? If yes, try out this simple experiment.
Put around 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2-3 candidates into the room and close it from outside. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours, and then analyse the situation:
If they are counting and recounting the number of bricks
PUT THEM IN CASH
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks
PUT THEM IN THE CLEARING DEPT
If they are arranging the bricks in some other order
PUT THEM IN PLANNING
If they are throwing the bricks at each other
PUT THEM IN OPERATIONS
If they are sleeping
PUT THEM IN SECURITY
If they have broken the bricks into pieces
PUT THEM IN INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY
If they are staring out of the window
PUT THEM IN THE NRI CELL
If they are sitting idle
PUT THEM IN HRD!
If they have thrown the bricks out of the window
PUT THEM IN THE LOANS SECTIONS
If they are clinging onto the bricks
PUT THEM IN TREASURY
If they are talking to each other and not a brick has moved
PUT THEM IN MANAGEMENT
If they have already left for the day
PUT THEM IN MARKETING
|
| Osama bin Laden University |
|
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Commitment. Community. Jihad!
Osama bin Laden University seeks to instill the fundamentals of terrorism in its students. Whether you want the glorious martyrdom of killing hundreds of infidels in an embassy bombing, or the more personal satisfaction of hunting down a blasphemous author in a mullah-sanctioned fatwa, OBLU can get you where you want go!
If you can answer yes to even than half of the following, a career in terror may be just the one for you!
Yes!
• I want to make a difference!
• I can handle a challenge!
• I can drive a truck!
• I want to wipe that smirk off George Bush's face!
• I enjoy waving guns around and firing them into the sky randomly at large rallies!
• I look good in a vest filled with explosives!
• I want a job that's to die for!
ABOUT US
CAMPUS
Located in the magnificently rugged mountains of Afghanistan, OBLU's campus ranks as one of the most beautiful educational settings in the world. Miles of running trails wend their way through the snowy passes. And keeping a sharp eye out for land mines keeps fitness buffs strong in both body and mind!
CURRICULUM
Long a source of pride for students, the OBLU honor code is strictly enforced
All our students start off with a solid basis in the core areas of modern terrorism. By the end of freshman year, you will know how to: lob stones effectively, burn flags without burning yourself, chant angry slogans for hours thanks to foot-friendly arch inserts, and much, much more!
By your junior year, you will have declared a major. You might learn to operate class "c" vehicles such as cars and light trucks. Or you could decide to master the art of docking with American Destroyers on an inflatable boat. If you're an advanced student, you might even get to study at the post-graduate level, trying to harvest the Ebola virus from bloody, dying monkeys with your bare hands!
FACULTY
Dean bin Laden
Dean of School Osama bin Laden is the most universally recognized figure in world terror today. He has successfully brought down the Soviet Empire due to his acclaimed in Afghanistan, and now is continuing his work against the great Satan, America. With a $25 million dollar bounty on his head, Professor bin Laden must be doing something right!
TRAVEL OPPORTUNITIES & RECOGNITION
Recent graduate work in New York received worldwide attention
Recent graduates have gone to such exotic locales as Kashmir, Chechnya, Tel Aviv and even New York City! What better way to see the world than on a holy mission to destroy it?
"I used to just sit around and hate Americans. Now, I get the great personal satisfaction of doing something about it."
Junior, Majoring in Car Bombing
"I like the idea of going straight to paradise and all I have to do is get gunned down while killing Americans. Do the math. It's a no-brainer!"
Senior, Weapons Major
"I used to think making the streets run red with blood was just hyperbole. Now, I know that with a whole lot of elbow grease, and just a little bit of emtex in a truck, it can definitely be done!"
Junior, Chemistry Major
SOCIAL LIFE
Of course, OBLU is not just a "terror factory." From volleyball to tetherball, students enjoy a variety of social and enrichment events outside of their daily Jihad duties. Many of the friendships made at school are strong enough to last for all eternity in the hall of martyrs!
OBLU students also enjoy these perks:
• Graduates receive no-money down loan for all truck or boat purchases
• 50% discount on all weapons purchases made at the student store
• Free parking
Apply today for Osama bin Laden University.
Still unsure? Take our OBLU-sanctioned extension course, "the How-To's of International Terrorism," offered at a Learning Annex near you.
Contact our SAARC region representative for more details and admission information:
Gen. Pervez Musharraf
Bunker No. 786,
Khandahar - Afghanistan
Tel: 1600 – 475654
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| The Cop and the Drunkard |
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A cop stops a drunkard and asks him: Where are you going?
Drunkard: I'm going to listen the lecture about the harm of the drinking and alcoholism.
Cop: At night? And who will give a lecture?
Drunkard: My wife and mother-in-law!
