Globusz^® Publishing 

So who am I? And what makes me so special?

Well... I was born in South Africa, I’m a Virgo, Rat, and my totem animal is a Grizzly Bear named Lola... not particularly the best trivia but I had to in put something.

And without going on too much about my childhood I will start with the fact that my view of organised religion was tainted in South Africa, no not because of the political goings on, but because of what happened at school...

One second let me cover myself again:

Although I was born in South Africa and lived there for the first nine years of my life, I didn’t start coming into my own way of thinking until I’d moved to Britain, which also happens to be when I (in a sense) found out about and began to understand what was actually going on politically. I subscribed to the world’s view of it, and although I have memories and experiences that showed me what it was like on the inside. It is clouded by a child-like bubble. It didn’t extend, further than: “mummy and daddy will fight away bad things that want to hurt me”. So, what I think about what has been and is going in South Africa is derived from stories told to me by family members, bits and pieces of juicy hearsay from here and there, and of course childhood memories. So don’t be surprised if when you ask me what my views are, I shrug and say “I don’t know”.

I used to go to a church school but I don’t remember what denomination it belonged to. There were Priests hanging about and nuns who lived on the grounds, some used to teach the lessons, and we had Bible studies as part of the curriculum. Now, I am going to take a wild stab and say it was a Christian school, but I am still not sure, so don’t quote me on that.

Anyway, I was an inquisitive child; my parents were big on learning and would ask me about what I knew, and encourage me to question what I didn’t understand so that I could learn more. I had a very vivid imagination (still do), so I was drawn to fantasy and the supernatural from a very early age but unfortunately, that was frowned upon at school meaning I had to keep my thoughts and ideas to myself.

Now, having been allowed to express myself freely at home, you can imagine I expected to be allowed the freedom of expression at school right? Yes, but not what I got with it!

I used to make frequent observations that brought me to realisations about things at school that weren’t all they seemed to be; there was a lot of hypocrisy knocking about that nobody was willing to admit to and didn’t want brought to their attention.

I know this because I tried to question it on numerous occasions, stating what I’d observed and weighing it up against what was so loudly preached about. But instead of being met with praise like I had expected, I was met with stern disapproval, and at times accusations of being cheeky (yes, I didn’t learn after the first time and kept on going). There was even an occasion when I got ejected from the classroom and sent to the head.

One thing they were very big on at school, and would preach about at least twice a day, was that “we are all equal in the eyes of God”, that “regardless of colour, age, social background or creed, we are all brothers and sisters, and we shall all love one another as such”. But in practice, things didn’t happen that way...

The teachers would lecture us about things we should do, ways we should think, and things we shouldn’t say. Nobody ever told me why though, that it was written in the Bible and therefore it was law. This was fair enough, but when it came down to it certain lines became blurred, and it turned out that one set of rules applied to one group of children who would be treated in one way, and a different set of rules applied to the other group of children who would be treated another way.

Now, to anyone who was paying attention, what did that say? Hypocrisy, and a very strong ’do as I say not as I do’ message that I spent a lot of time bringing attention to, and getting into trouble for my troubles.

So, by the time I left for my journey across the waters I had a very tainted view of institutions and organised religion or institutions ruled by religion.

Hold on, disclaimer again;

Although I am still working on neutralising my tainted view of organised religion, and getting to a point where I respect rather than dismiss it without listening because I grossly disagree with some of the practices and beliefs, I am beginning to realise that whether it is said through Judaism, Paganism, Islam, Buddhism or Christianity, the message is the same all round; it just so happens to be said in different ways/languages. And if we all began to see that, world peace would be inevitable; “Instead of spreading love we spreading animosity. Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity” - Where Is The Love? By The Black Eyed Peas says it, oh, so well! And I definitely agree with that, if we all put more effort into celebrating our similarities instead of trying to change each other’s differences, things would be a lot more peaceful in our world. Especially when it comes to a little thing called free will, and the fact that different people, who live different lives will make different choices and be subject to different experiences, etc... And everyone is receptive to a different way of learning, for example, whereas my barriers go up faster than a boy on fire if something is told to me in terms of politics, I am all ears, eyes, and receptive senses if it is told to me in a weird, wonderful and exciting way. On the other hand someone else may be receptive to music (teens for example, look at how influential music stars are), their barriers may go up fast if told something in say... a mathematical way. And this is where my “different routes to school” theory comes in (feel free to change “school” to “work”, “the airport” or even “the pub”) handy. Think of a community school that children from all over the neighbourhood attend. Some will arrive by bus, some by train, some will cycle, some will walk, some will drive, and some will be driven, the odd few might fly, but ultimately they will all get there. So, whether you get to your “spiritual school” at 9am, 12.30pm or tired and hungry at 2.45am (in terms of life at thirteen years old, twenty-one years old or seventy-eight years old), you will have made it when it is right for you. Some will get there early and some late, some will leave “home” early and some will leave late (which is also relative if we look at time as an illusion, but that’s a different book, different story) but everyone will get there eventually. And any spiritual person worth their toes will not laugh at the late or early comers, they will rejoice their arrival because that is what’s important; arrival not the time! Spirituality is not a race, so if a certain route to school/work/the airport/the pub isn’t working, is delaying or slowing you down, then it is time to re-route mate, you have an abundance of choices available, why are you keeping yourself stuck?

Anyway so, by the time I hit fifteen I was unhappy, confused, and felt like I didn’t belong. I didn’t believe in religion which all my peers seemed to subscribe to one or another, was drawn to the supernatural that a lot of people told me was inspired by the Devil, and hated school because it felt so wrong to me.

I felt as though a load of random facts were being thrown my way, that I was expected to memorise and regurgitate at the end of the school year (whether I had learned anything or not). For some reason that felt pointless and non-progressive, so I didn’t put much effort into anything to do with school, most of which was to please my parents and teachers anyway.

Nothing much held any importance to me either; I wasn’t interested in the latest trends, music or whatever else my peers were into; oh I tried, but just felt like I was lying to myself and pretending to them. Plus I was always accused of being strange and weird, which did nothing for my already battered self-esteem.

So you can imagine how much I always looked forward to the weekend and holidays because that meant no school. And I vehemently hated (really, with an intense passion) Sunday evenings because every hour that ticked by was getting me closer to Monday morning and therefore, school.

All in all I did not like it, and would never return if I had another chance to do it again. That time of my life felt like a purposeless existence, which is more than apparent now if you look back at my academic career, add that to my tainted view of institutions and you have... me.

Fifteen was also the first turning point in my spiritual life; January 2000 was when my mum started reading a series of books called Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsch, and (I can never thank her enough for this) started talking to anyone who would listen about them. Obviously my interest was piqued at the things she said, which resonated with me (I was wise even at then, yes) very much.

I would question her about things, and was really enthusiastic about the answers, so she suggested I read it for myself and see what I was receptive to. She also said “I want you to know who you are by the time you are twenty”; it was a little after my twenty-first birthday that I realised how much I had been striving to live up to that statement.

And from there I was hooked and went on to read the remaining two books, after which I read Ask Your Angels by Alma Daniel, Timothy Wyllie and Andrew Ramer. That book started my obsession with these wonderful Beings, and it also opened me up to the chakras, meditation, developing my psychic abilities and communicating with my Spirit Guides.

For the first time in my life I felt like I belonged (how cliché), even though it was the summer holidays and I was cooped up in my room (alone) with sticks of incense and candles for company, opening up my chakras and releasing blocked energy. I had found something I could really get into, something I was good at, and wanted to spend all my time doing.

And the major reason I was so enthusiastic was because I was allowed to be an individual, I was allowed to explore and create, believe in anything I wanted and not be judged for it. I was never told what to do or that what I was doing was wrong. I was not different (in a bad way), strange or cheeky. I was developing and growing, choosing and being!

So, the more I read up on the subject of spirituality and self-development, the more I discovered there was no wrong or right: just choices that didn’t work for me. I began to notice a real freedom that I had never felt before, and so consciously set out to become a spiritual being.

You’d think at this point my new beliefs and I would skip into the sunset hand in hand and start a new life in happiness right? No chance! Even though I continued growing spiritually, I became externally unstable; moving from course to course, job to job, and changing my mind constantly about what I wanted to do and what I wanted to be.

At seventeen I fell into depression and developed an alcohol dependency.

At 19 I decided to run away from my “problems” in London and go to the University in Huddersfield, only to get there and realise (when I couldn’t leave) that the buggers had followed me up. That’s when I things went from bad to the pit of doom!

I was extremely vulnerable, because I was alone in a foreign town far, far away from home or anything familiar or comforting to me, I didn’t know anybody and therefore didn’t feel I could talk to anyone about it. I was also under the impression that nobody cared (as every fresher student does) about me.

Even though I found a few friends on my course, I kept socialising to a minimum, and when I didn’t have any lessons I would spend time cooped up in my dorm crying and drinking; I would cry myself awake (if that’s even possible), cry myself to sleep and sometimes even weep in the woods surrounding the student village.

I isolated myself and would surface only to go to lessons (even that stopped at some point during the first term), scavenge for food, or accompany my colleagues on wild nights out, where once I got so drunk I still don’t remember what happened (stopped trying).

By the time I was twenty I had a track record for instability and my poor parents were worried I’d never grow up to be a responsible adult. So, it came as a surprise (even to me) when, two months before my twenty-first birthday, I discovered I was a writer, and I haven’t looked back since.

It was also on the twenty-third year of my existence that I consciously decided to no longer allow other peoples’ thoughts about me to dictate what I do with my time, energy and life. I will gladly accept the labels “strange”, “weird”, “cult member” or even “Devil possessed” because I do not believe them to be true, therefore they are not (to me). What is true however, is that I am a Light worker and I hereby affirm that I will devote myself to spreading the message of love and light by sharing my truth and encouraging others to uncover theirs, and then go on to spread love and light too, until the energy of this Planet has completely shifted to a higher vibration, and we can all effortlessly step into a new dawn together! Amen.