Globusz^® Publishing 

It was a very exciting day when I was taken out of Washington Cottage and moved to boys row to a cottage called Roosevelt cottage. This was my last move in this institution. This was the older boys row, which I qualified by having reached puberty. I found out what the strange puddle had been in my bed that morning in Washington cottage. I was still a very young and dumb boy when it came to knowing about sex. That would be changing very fast.

Now I was living with a married couple and were known as Mom and Pop Robards. They always treated all the boys like they were their own sons. This was a brand new experience for me. I was 13 years old and everything was new and sometimes not easy to adjust to. The boys ranged from my age to seventeen years old. I had a difficult time adjusting to living with a somewhat better family atmosphere. To have someone to call mom and pop was totally new and uncomfortable to me. Even after leaving the home and moving into a foster family, I still could not do that. My brother did not have a problem since he started in the home with a couple that treated the boys as their family.

In those days there was no sex education and in our case no real mother and father to talk about sex and sexual urges. We learned from other boys for better or worse. I had little contact with girls and still knew there was something about them I liked. The other boys in the cottage about the facts of life educated me. It was sure a strange thing to be learning and that young man problem when sleeping made it a little more confusing. Slowly I was gaining sex knowledge. This was not the right way to learn about sex because responsibility and respect were not in the lessons.

It took me some time to realize I was not going to be punished like Mrs. Ward had anymore. The Robards knew how to handle boys without the punishment like her. There was a good bond between all of us and I was learning what real family life could be. My stay in this cottage and with the Robards was not going to last very long. I do believe that had I a few years living under the Robards might have made my life a little better.

After the Navy, I managed to visit the home again. I did not actually get to see Mrs. Ward, only saw Washington cottage. Did see the Robards. She said she was not surprised to hear I had gone to college. She told me the majority of all the boys did poorly and some ended up in various institutions after leaving the home. While in the living room she pointed out a young boy, he was very effeminate looking and acting, and she told me he was gay just like I was. That was a surprise! I never retained the femininity, acting and appearance, once I left the home and never since.

One day I found a site on line call ISSCS and found all the pictures of what I have been talking about. I also found one with some names and email contacts from the past there. Have made some good contacts with some of them. They have had some reunions and wish I could have gone. Much of what I have been saying applies to others and we shared stories. The home is closed and sold off so I will never go to see it again. I heard the cottages were sold as condos. Most of the other buildings were torn down, the land sold to developers. I found a site telling of a developer working on the abandon powerhouse at ISSCS, making it into a condo. It discusses the tunnels and getting the state to close them off.

One day and small group of us boys took a hike on a country road next to the home. We found a cardboard box in the ditch and opened it up. It was full of porno! There were the dime novels of Popey and his girl friend Olive in some nasty sex scenes and some eight-millimeter porno films, also some magazines and pictures. I was somewhat surprised when looking at this. It was the first exposure to what sex really was. I didn't know what to think. We found an eight-millimeter camera and started watching the hard-core sex movies. We got caught by Mr. Robards and that was the end of all that porno. Now I knew what the strange fluid in my bed was in Washington cottage that morning. All this did not help me with sex education, but sure strengthen the desire for sex.

I knew I was attracted to some of the boys in the cottage, but did not know what that meant. I kept it my secret and glad I did. I also had an urge to meet a few of the girls on girls row. Later I became aware that I was a bi sexual male. At this age I looked very effeminate and acted it a little too. I think some of the boys other than myself were the same way and we became closer friends than with the other boys in the cottage. No one in the cottage cared or made comments or bothered us. We were like brothers there. I learned later the Robards were aware of my sexual style, but did not care and still treated me like all the other boys.

About a month after moving in this cottage, I had to go the hospital for something. I don't remember what it was. I was there for only one week. One morning when I was in the toilet, two older boys have raped me. They took turns holding me while the other used me for anal sex. I was terrified and hurting bad. I screamed and cried while they took turns doing anal sex on me. A nurse heard me, and the noise. She came in with an old-fashioned wooden toilet cleaning brush. She pulled to two boys out of the bathroom and I never heard or saw them again. Then she paddled me for crying so much and then left me there. That was all that was done for me after being raped. This did affect me for the rest of my life.

One thing that surprised me later was that the state keeps very poor records of who was placed in Horner Hall hospital. I was told that they were not sure it was me or my brother Richard some of the time. I don't think he ever was in the hospital there. The hospital was not staffed very well and only had a clerk and visiting nurses and doctors. I can remember going there and seeing only one nurse around the hospital.

The dentist office and clerk’s office and a small lab were on the first floor and the wards were all on the second floor. The small pharmacy was on the second floor next to the large staircase going up from the first floor. It was a fairly large hospital and most of it was not used. It was located to the right of the administration building when you were facing the front of it. There was a smaller building in between them and do not remember what it was for. There was a large wooded field in front of the hospital and was very nice.

On the left side of the administration building was the tall water tower. Several boys told me that they had climbed to the top. I don't think they really did and I was too scared to try it myself. In front of the administration building was a beautiful park like lawn with a water fountain and lots of nice trees with benches to sit on. All of the grounds on the home were kept in beautiful and well-maintained condition.