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It was one of those sticky, hot, mid-summer days in central London when pollution levels were rising. Three of my colleagues and I had gathered, hoping to spend half an hour or so in a pub near to our workplaces to relax and catch up with each other’s news. We found the establishment crowded with a group of city delegates from a nearby convention who were spilling in increasing numbers towards the bar. It was busier than we had bargained for. Nigel had already skilfully negotiated the noisy scramble near the bar where the group members were clearly identified by the triangular sweat patches on their white shirt backs. He now made his way towards us, deftly placing four pints of lager on the table without spilling a drop. We waited for his first grumble.
“You know it’s a pity that we don’t work nearer the country. I would prefer a more peaceful watering hole than this”
“And how do you think you would keep tabs on all that is happening in your office here while you gad about the country?” Ron was quick to ask.
“I suppose you’re right”— Nigel replied before he sat down. “But there must be a better life than this, you know. Sometimes I feel like chucking the whole lot in.”
“Great idea, and what would you do for the old ‘filthy lucre’?” Ron asked thinking that it was not a great idea at all.
“OK, I know. I don’t think I would have the guts to leave without setting myself up with a new career and I’m probably too old to be thinking of that now. I suppose you’re right, I’ll have to keep my nose to the grindstone and grin and bear it all.”
“You miserable old sod, you don’t know how lucky you are” — Graham chipped in. “Lovely wife and family, big house and all the perks you get from that cushy job. But I know what you mean I could do with a break myself. You know, get out of the rat race and all that.”
“What we need — Nigel said — is to win the jackpot on the lottery.”
“We would certainly all like that but I’ve got a feeling that you wouldn’t know how to handle that sort of money even if you did” — Ron stated.
“You bet I would” — Nigel quickly replied with a hint of annoyance, feeling that Ron would put down anything he said, but then Ron issued a further challenge.
“OK then, what would you do with say, the odd couple of million if it landed in your pocket?”
“Well, I’d buy a brand new top-of-the-range Mercedes and a big house in the country and I’d live the life of a Lord” — Nigel said.
“You could get your top-of-the-range car and top-of-the-range house with just half a million, but apart from the rest of the money, what would you actually do?” — Ron enquired again.
“Well I’d see the family were not short of a penny and all that.”
“Yes, I know you would do that, we probably all want to do that. What I mean is, what would you do with your time? Look at the telly, and watch the grass grow? What would you do?” Ron persisted.
“With all that money, I wouldn’t need to do anything, would I?”
“That’s pitiful” — Ron snapped back. “You might as well continue at work.”
“I’d give up work, that’s for sure” — Graham volunteered.
“And, how about you, what would you actually do with your new-found freedom?” Ron repeated seeing that Graham was happy to join in on the same theme and thinking there must be more to owning a fortune than Nigel had offered.
“I’d buy a home in the South of Spain and sit in the sun all day”
“So, you wouldn’t do anything either, that is, other than burn yourself to a cinder.”
“That’s right” — Graham said in complete agreement as he sat back, imagining the sun on his face, and took a long swig from his pint.
Ron, now a touch frustrated and a little disappointed, turned to me and asked: “You’re sitting there keeping very quiet, Jim. You haven’t told us how you would handle a whole load of money.”
“No — I replied hesitantly — that’s because I have just won the lottery.”
They all burst in laughter, of course, all in complete disbelief.
“What, all of ten quid, I suppose, just like I did last year” — one of them tentatively ventured.”
“No — I volunteered quietly — something over five million.”
Three pairs of eyes stood out from their sockets, three jaws sagged slightly, giving a rather strange and comical shape to their mouths. For a long moment there was a stunned silence. Oblivious to the raucous chatter in the background, they were all having difficulty in knowing if I was pulling their legs.
Then Ron whispered: “You’re joking.” When I replied that I was not, he leaned forward and conspiratorially said: “OK, sir, Your Highness, what are you actually going to do with all that dosh.”
“I’m going to buy an island” — I replied calmly. He repeated in disbelief: “You’re going to buy an island?”
“Yes, I’m going to buy an island. It’s on the market for about four million and I’ve put in an offer.”
“But what in heaven’s name are you going to do with an island? Where is it? In the Caribbean? By the way, a small point perhaps, but having bought your island, what then? What will you do with it? Sit on it like Graham and soak up the sun all day?”
“It’s off the west coast of Scotland. I want to set up a sort of commune, where people like you can do something completely different, where they can work the land or engage in other activities, but be free of bureaucracy and get satisfaction from working for themselves in a healthy environment.”
“Not very sunny there I should say” — Graham observed.
“Sunny days can be important but they are not on the top of my list” — I answered.
“You’re crazy” — Ron said. “An island maybe, but off Scotland?”
“You’ve asked a lot of questions but haven’t offered your ideas yet. I would be interested in what you would do”— I countered.
“Well I wish you well, you lucky bugger” — Graham said. “At least it’s the best idea any of us have come up with. But how, in heaven’s name, could you come in here and just sit quietly and not go jumping and screaming all over the place? By the way, it must be your round.”
“I did get a bit over the top when I first found out, but after that I started trying to work things out and I found I was getting more serious wanting to use it wisely. But you’re right it is my round. Would you like to change the order to something stronger perhaps?”
As I walked away to the bar I heard someone say: “If I was in his shoes I’d need something very much stronger. How could he keep so calm like that?”
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