During the season of the Meccan pilgrimage, whilst the people
were making circuit about the Holy House and the place of
compassing was crowded, behold, a man laid hold of the covering
of the Ka'abah
FN#182 and cried out, from the bottom of his
heart, saying, 'I beseech thee, O Allah, that she may once again
be wroth with her husband and that I may know her!' A company of
the pilgrims heard him and seized him and carried him to the Emir
of the pilgrims, after a sufficiency of blows; and, said they, 'O
Emir, we found this fellow in the Holy Places, saying thus and
thus.' So the Emir commanded to hang him; but he cried, 'O Emir,
I conjure thee, by the virtue of the Apostle (whom Allah bless
and preserve!), hear my story and then do with me as thou wilt.'
Quoth the Emir, 'Tell thy tale forthright.' 'Know then, O Emir,'
quoth the man, 'that I am a sweep who works in the sheep-
slaughterhouses and carries off the blood and the offal to the
rubbish-heaps outside the gates. And it came to pass as I went
along one day with my ass loaded, I saw the people running away
and one of them said to me, 'Enter this alley, lest haply they
slay thee.' Quoth I, 'What aileth the folk running away?' and one
of the eunuchs, who were passing, said to me, 'This is the
Harim
FN#183 of one of the notables and her eunuchs drive the
people out of her way and beat them all, without respect to
persons.' So I turned aside with the donkey'"--And Shahrazad
perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying her permitted say.
When it was the Two Hundred and Eighty-third Night,
She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that quoth the
man, "So I turned aside with the donkey and stood still awaiting
the dispersal of the crowd; and I saw a number of eunuchs with
staves in their hands, followed by nigh thirty women slaves, and
amongst them a lady as she were a willow-wand or a thirsty
gazelle, perfect in beauty and grace and amorous languor, and all
were attending upon her. Now when she came to the mouth of the
passage where I stood, she turned right and left and, calling one
of the Castratos, whispered in his ear; and behold, he came up to
me and laid hold of me, whilst another eunuch took my ass and
made off with it. And when the spectators fled, the first eunuch
bound me with a rope and dragged me after him till I knew not
what to do; and the people followed us and cried out, saying,
'This is not allowed of Allah! What hath this poor scavenger done
that he should be bound with ropes?' and praying the eunuchs,
'Have pity on him and let him go, so Allah have pity on you!' And
I the while said in my mind, 'Doubtless the eunuchry seized me,
because their mistress smelt the stink of the offal and it
sickened her. Belike she is with child or ailing; but there is no
Majesty and there is no Might save in Allah, the Glorious, the
Great!' So I continued walking on behind them, till they stopped
at the door of a great house; and, entering before me, brought me
into a big hall--I know not how I shall describe its
magnificence--furnished with the finest furniture. And the women
also entered the hall; and I bound and held by the eunuch and
saying to myself, 'Doubtless they will torture me here till I die
and none know of my death.' However, after a while, they carried
me into a neat bath-room leading out of the hall; and as I sat
there, behold, in came three slave-girls who seated themselves
round me and said to me, 'Strip off thy rags and tatters.' So I
pulled off my threadbare clothes and one of them fell a-rubbing
my legs and feet whilst another scrubbed my head and a third
shampooed my body. When they had made an end of washing me, they
brought me a parcel of clothes and said to me, 'Put these on';
and I answered, 'By Allah, I know not how!' So they came up to me
and dressed me, laughing together at me the while; after which
they brought casting-bottles full of rose-water, and sprinkled me
therewith. Then I went out with them into another saloon; by
Allah, I know not how to praise its splendour for the wealth of
paintings and furniture therein; and entering it, I saw a person
seated on a couch of Indian rattan"--And Shahrazad perceived the
dawn of day and ceased to say her permitted say.
When it was the Two Hundred and Eighty-fourth Night,
She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that the sweep
continued, "When I entered that saloon I saw a person seated on a
couch of Indian rattan, with ivory feet and before her a number
of damsels. When she saw me she rose to me and called me; so I
went up to her and she seated me by her side. Then she bade her
slave-girls bring food, and they brought all manner of rich
meats, such as I never saw in all my life; I do not even know the
names of the dishes, much less their nature. So I ate my fill and
when the dishes had been taken away and we had washed our hands,
she called for fruits which came without stay or delay and
ordered me eat of them; and when we had ended eating she bade one
of the waiting-women bring the wine furniture. So they set on
flagons of divers kinds of wine and burned perfumes in all the
censers, what while a damsel like the moon rose and served us
with wine to the sound of the smitten strings; and I drank, and
the lady drank, till we were seized with wine and the whole time
I doubted not but that all this was an illusion of sleep.
Presently, she signed to one of the damsels to spread us a bed in
such a place, which being done, she rose and took me by the hand
and led me thither, and lay down and I lay with her till the
morning, and as often as I pressed her to my breast I smelt the
delicious fragrance of musk and other perfumes that exhaled from
her and could not think otherwise but that I was in Paradise or
in the vain phantasies of a dream. Now when it was day, she asked
me where I lodged and I told her, 'In such a place;' whereupon
she gave me leave to depart, handing to me a kerchief worked with
gold and silver and containing somewhat tied in it, and took
leave of me, saying, 'Go to the bath with this.' I rejoiced and
said to myself, 'If there be but five coppers here, it will buy
me this day my morning meal.' Then I left her, as though I were
leaving Paradise, and returned to my poor crib where I opened the
kerchief and found in it fifty miskals of gold. So I buried them
in the ground and, buying two farthings' worth of bread and
'kitchen,'
FN#184 seated me at the door and broke my fast; after
which I sat pondering my case and continued so doing till the
time of afternoon, prayer, when lo! a slave-girl accosted me
saying, 'My mistress calleth for thee.' I followed her to the
house aforesaid and, after asking permission, she carried me into
the lady, before whom I kissed the ground, and she commanded me
to sit and called for meat and wine as on the previous day; after
which I again lay with her all night. On the morrow, she gave me
a second kerchief, with other fifty dinars therein, and I took it
and going home, buried this also. In such pleasant condition I
continued eight days running, going in to her at the hour of
afternoon prayer and leaving her at daybreak; but, on the eighth
night, as I lay with her, behold, one of her slave-girls came
running in and said to me, 'Arise, go up into yonder closet.' So
I rose and went into the closet, which was over the gate, and
presently I heard a great clamour and tramp of horse; and,
looking out of the window which gave on the street in front of
the house, I saw a young man as he were the rising moon on the
night of fulness come riding up attended by a number of servants
and soldiers who were about him on foot. He alighted at the door
and entering the saloon found the lady seated on the couch; so he
kissed the ground between her hands then came up to her and
kissed her hands; but she would not speak to him. However, he
continued patiently to humble himself, and soothe her and speak
her fair, till he made his peace with her, and they lay together
that night."--And Shahrazed perceived the dawn of day and ceased
saying her permitted say.
When it was the Two Hundred and Eighty-fifth Night,
She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that the
scavenger continued, "Now when her husband had made his peace
with the young lady, he lay with her that night; and next
morning, the soldiers came for him and he mounted and rode away;
whereupon she drew near to me and said, 'Sawst thou yonder man?'
I answered, 'Yes;' and she said, 'He is my husband, and I will
tell thee what befell me with him. It came to pass one day that
we were sitting, he and I, in the garden within the house, and
behold, he rose from my side and was absent a long while, till I
grew tired of waiting and said to myself: Most like, he is in the
privy. So I arose and went to the water-closet, but not finding
him there, went down to the kitchen, where I saw a slave-girl;
and when I enquired for him, she showed him to me lying with one
of the cookmaids. Hereupon, I swore a great oath that I assuredly
would do adultery with the foulest and filthiest man in Baghdad;
and the day the eunuch laid hands on thee, I had been four days
going round about the city in quest of one who should answer to
this description, but found none fouler nor filthier than thy
good self. So I took thee and there passed between us that which
Allah fore ordained to us; and now I am quit of my oath.' Then
she added, 'If, however, my husband return yet again to the
cookmaid and lie with her, I will restore thee to thy lost place
in my favours.' Now when I heard these words from her lips, what
while she pierced my heart with the shafts of her glances, my
tears streamed forth, till my eyelids were chafed sore with
weeping, and I repeated the saying of the poet,
'Grant me the kiss of that left hand ten times;
And learn it hath than right hand higher grade;FN#185
For 'tis but little since that same left hand
Washed off Sir
Reverence when ablution made.'
Then she made them give me other fifty dinars (making in all four
hundred gold pieces I had of her) and bade me depart. So I went
out from her and came hither, that I might pray Allah (extolled
and exalted be He!) to make her husband return to the cookmaid,
that haply I might be again admitted to her favours.' When the
Emir of the pilgrims heard the man's story, he set him free and
said to the bystanders, 'Allah upon you, pray for him, for indeed
he is excusable.'" And men also tell the tale of THE MOCK CALIPH.
